Synaptic

In the course students learn how to employ a range of methods that anthropologists use to carry out research, from interviewing to participant observation. Early in the semester, students choose a sub-culture to document. I chose Jessy’s paper for both its engaging personal writing style and its very interesting content. She documents the lives of lesbian college students, and does so through an engaging writing style that brings the reader into the lives of her informants.

-Jeffrey Bass

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Introduction

The college experience is different for everyone. Some young people attend large state universities, some go to trade schools or community colleges, and some choose to attend small liberal arts schools. Whatever type of school someone chooses, it is a whole new setting that differs from anything they have encountered so far in their life. But what about gay, female students? How are their college experiences different from those of heterosexual students, specifically at a small liberal arts college in the Midwest? This is the setting where I have conducted my research. The information I gathered stems from two gay, female informants in a relationship with one another. Karen and Susan are both juniors at Regional College, a small private college (all names and places have been changed to ensure confidentiality).

I used several different methods to obtain the data for my research. I began my investigation with participant observation, where I would simply hang out with my informants and note certain word choice, behaviors, and interactions between the two. In addition to observing them as they naturally interacted, I also completed several interviews with them, following both structured and unstructured formats. Most of my interviews, however, followed an unstructured format and consisted of free-ranging conversations where Karen and Susan had the freedom to guide me to what they saw as the most important aspects of their experiences and sub-culture. I then posed questions to them about themes, folk terms, or other important information as they arose.

All of my research and interactions with Karen and Susan circled back to that ever-elusive question: What is college all about for a gay, female student? I argue in this paper that college is a context for gay students like Karen and Susan to come out and communicate their newfound identity to others. It is a stage where they can gain a better understanding of how others might react to their sexual orientation and potentially modify their actions for future success in communicating that identity. At times during this experience, challenges are posed, and Karen and Susan must learn how to handle them accordingly. They possess this unique span of four years where they can discover the difficulties they will face in the future and acquire knowledge for how to cope with that. Not only is college about learning how to navigate the consequences that result from their gay identity, but it is also about embracing it and participating in the positive features of their sub-culture.

Both Karen and Susan did not fully come out and embrace their sexuality until arriving at Regional College and have only been “out of the closet” for a little over a year. Because of this, both described their process of coming out to me in detail, as is documented in the first section of this paper. After the coming out process, their next step was to communicate their new identity, and I discuss the many ways in which they do this. Next, I describe reactions of others to their identity. I then illustrate the challenges that they face as gay women on at a small, private college. Although a large portion of my study is comprised of certain challenges or struggles that Karen and Susan have faced in their college experience, there are also unique, positive features of their college lives that I have discuss in the final section of this paper.

Coming Out

“Coming out” acts as the very first step in living a positive and successful life with a gay sexual orientation. It refers to the period in one’s life where people relate their self-knowledge about their sexual orientation to others such as family members and friends. Due to the fact that a person will continually be meeting new people, however, the coming out process will never be over. College, therefore, is an environment where young gay men and women have the opportunity to come out to others since they will be interacting with many new people. It allows them to practice coming out and to gain knowledge about the different reactions that can occur. With this newfound knowledge, then, they become more fluent in coming out and prepared for a range of reactions. This section will discuss Karen and Susan’s process since both of them came out in their second year at Regional College

. Susan was the first to relate to me her coming out story. What I began to understand right away is that she never questioned her sexual identity until she was in college because there was never any reason to question it. She was given a set of rules (i.e. girls have boyfriends, not girlfriends) and lived life accordingly. The influence of heterosexism remains an important issue for gay college students. As an illustration of this, Susan observed the following in my first interview with her:

I think society’s expectation is to settle down with a guy, have the 2.5 kids, and white picket fence and I don’t think that’s an option for me now obviously cuz I don’t want to marry a guy….That’s one thing I still kind of struggle with because I don’t want people to think of me differently because I am gay, cuz I’m still the same person I was. It’s just like I don’t like guys like you like guys.

Susan only knew of two people growing up in her hometown who were gay, and this played a factor in her process. Certain limitations arise in the hometown environment that prevents a gay individual from coming out because of the long established attitudes of a community. It is likely that in places with little diversity, not only is it harder for those with differences to thrive, but they repress those differences for a longer period of a time.

For many gay individuals, their realization about their sexual orientation is accompanied by strong emotions of frustration, confusion, and even denial. The turbulent emotions associated with the initial coming out process were exemplified in the distinction Susan made between the sober and drunken kisses she had with her first girlfriend. In the “drunk” instances, of which there were several, Susan was able to deny her feelings for another girl because, for her, “That’s what happens when you’re drunk—you make out with girls and its fine.” However, when the first sober kiss occurred, Susan termed it awkward and even cried about it—obviously a more emotional response. This difference in response demonstrates her internal struggle about her self-knowledge most clearly. When Susan finally had to face her actions and could no longer place the blame on alcohol, it hit her the hardest, especially with the fear of nowhere to go from there. She explains, “I think I knew, but I didn’t wanna admit it to myself because I was afraid of having to tell people and it would have been just easier to keep going out with guys because that’s what society expects from you.”

Karen related a similar story about her coming out and even offered steps for the process. There are four steps (or groups of people to tell) in the coming out process, although there is no one particular way to do it. First, once an individual is struggling with these new emotions and feelings, there can be confusion, anger, and denial. This step is about self-realization and embracing one’s sexuality. It is important to have confidence in order to be able to relate this self-knowledge to others. Embracing one’s sexuality is critical since communication of one’s gay identity will not occur if a gay person is not personally comfortable with their sexuality. The second step in the coming out process is relating this knowledge to parents. Third, it is important that close friends learn this information directly from the gay individual in order to avoid hearing about it through gossip. The last step is to come out to the rest of the world, although this does not always mean that it has to be directly communicated. It is merely about affirming and not hiding one’s sexual identity if questioned by others. The most effective manner to accomplish this step is to change the biographical information section on various social media that describes what sex they are interested in dating.

These last two steps in the coming out process, telling friends and others, are especially significant within the college environment. While the self-realization phase is more personal and telling parents does not pertain to college, the last two categories of people are those people whom a gay individual is surrounded by at college. These are the people and friends they will first come out to. What the college environment offers, then, is a setting to practice the process. A gay person can attempt different methods of coming out and gauge the reactions they receive from others. Because of that, they will be better informed about how others respond. This information and knowledge will be helpful in future situations when new acquaintances are unaware of their sexual orientation. Two things Karen describes as being necessary for her to come out were “courage” and a “thick skin” since a gay individual will come out the rest of their life.

Ways of Communicating Gay Identity

Once they have come out to themselves, college presents gay students with an opportunity to experiment with how they communicate their gay identity. They begin to get answers to some key questions: How will others react to my sexuality and what is the most effective ways to communicate my identity? For this section, therefore, I describe the ways in which gay people communicate their identity, as doing so is one way in which they embrace who they are. Once they are confident in their identity, they begin to communicate it in many different ways. I noticed, for example, that Karen and Susan communicated their gay identity to others with both individual and couple actions. Individual actions reflect dress, verbal affirmation, steps taken to change social media (previously described), and the display of symbols. Couple actions, on the other hand, refer to public displays of affection and verbal referencing when together as a couple.

Several different types of dress can be used to signal to others one’s sexual orientation. Karen noted that many people have said to her, “But you don’t look gay.” However, for her it is the “little things that make up obvious things.” For example, if Karen wants to look “really gay,” as she says, she would put on a snapback. In fact, on one of the nights that I hung out with Karen she changed her clothes several times because she did not think she looked “gay enough.” Her solution to this was to put on a snapback, which is just a baseball style hat with the snap attachment on the back for sizing. She also wears her rainbow bracelet every day (the rainbow is a sign for gay pride). I think it is important to clarify here that many types of dress for lesbians (even some that I have mentioned) have been transformed into popular culture stereotypes for lesbians. Karen and Susan recognize these stereotypes and even participate in them, but as a personal choice.

There is a strong notion that lesbians must look masculine. Apparently to others, Karen does not look gay because she does not “hit the weight requirement,” meaning that the person making that comment views all lesbians as fat and ugly. Not only does this stereotype signal that lesbians must look masculine, but also that attractive people cannot be gay. The issue of “looking gay” is one of the challenges that both Karen and Susan said they must cope with regularly. This challenge is twofold, as the women reject some of these stereotypes, but selectively adopt others. For example, a type of gay signaling is what Karen and Susan term “dyke shoes.” They explained that DC brand white slip-on-shoes are an example of these. Susan owns a pair, and she still automatically questioned the sexuality of one random girl on campus who wore a pair.

Other ways to communicate gay identity is to display more broadly recognized symbols of gender identity, such as the rainbow flag or a female Venus symbol. Karen told me a story about how she never outright communicated to her roommate about her sexuality in the beginning of their relationship but instead hung up her giant rainbow flag in their room. Her roommate just assumed it, although it also became obvious from other conversations and actions. Karen also has recently acquired a new tattoo on her wrist that consists of a small, black female symbol (a circle with a cross) that does not represent her gender but her gay identity.

The most notable couple action, on the other hand, for Karen and Susan is PDA (personal displays of affections). This includes holding hands, kissing, and hugging. It is a particularly significant way for homosexual couples to communicate their sexuality, since others could otherwise mistake them for just being friends. While Karen and Susan’s relationship has PDA, it is minimal. An interesting distinction made about this is that while Karen values privacy, Susan’s reasoning for less PDA is due to insecurity about their relationship in public settings. However, the social context needs to be taken in to consideration. For example, it is difficult for them on campus because Susan’s cousin attends Regional College as well and does not know about her sexual orientation. Karen, however, feels more comfortable on campus with it because “most people of this demographic are okay with it.” The campus acts, as an appropriate arena to test boundaries and gauge how much PDA is acceptable in various settings, which will be a necessary asset of knowledge in the future.

Another important couple action is how both Karen and Susan refer to one another. Karen introduces Susan to people as her “girlfriend” if she wants people to know about their couple status. I have also heard each of them call each other “woman” or “lady friend” when talking with one another. These two terms are used light-heartedly to joke with one another. When the two want new friends or acquaintances to know about their gay couple identity status and subtle hints are not working, they will be “sickeningly obvious.” This is when “dear” and “honey” appear in conversation. Neither reference is serious in how they refer to one another; they just do not want to directly tell others that they are a gay couple in some cases to avoid awkward situations.

Reactions to a Gay Identity and Resulting Challenges

After communicating gay identity, the next step is considering how others react to that identity. As previously mentioned, the college experience is one characterized by the endless cycle of meeting new people. After communicating their sexual orientation, an equally important issue is how those new people will react to their sexual identity. College is where gay individuals note these various reactions and develop strategies to better cope with similar situations in the future. I have identified three main reactions to the gay sexuality: negative, positive, and neutral. In this section, I will describe several examples of each of these three reactions and also comment on challenges that arise in conjunction with either negative or neutral reactions.

In regards to the negative reactions received, the most easily identified are those that are verbal. The most common response that Karen has encountered is one in which people will change the subject of what they were talking about if her sexuality arises in conversation. It is a subtle way for people to escape the topic because they find it uncomfortable due to their views on the matter. Nonetheless, it is an obvious avoidance that makes the situation awkward, and as a result, the relationship with that person will never be the same. It appears to be an automatic judgment about the person. Another type of indirect verbal attack on their identity is when people voice their negative opinions about homosexuality or related issues. For example, many people will offer their opinions on how they are against gay marriage. Susan especially noted that one of her good friends has called homosexuality a sin even though they are close friends. Negative opinions do not need to be specific to them in order for them to be affected by these opinions.

Explicit rejection and the refusal to use certain vocabulary are two other types of negative verbal reactions. As an example of explicit rejection, Susan described when she first told her parents she was gay and her mom responded with, “I don’t want that happening in my house.” This means that her mom did not want “gay” in her house, and Susan was thus absolutely rejected for her identity. This type of verbal rejection can come in many forms or phrases, but it still comes down to the fact that people are dismissing the identity of the gay person as illegitimate or wrong. The refusal to use certain terms or expressions is another way in which some people react negatively. Both Karen and Susan have family members and friends who refuse to use the term “girlfriend” when talking about their significant other and will use “friend” instead. They may do this because of uncomfortable feelings they have about their sexual orientation or because they fear whomever they are talking to will either judge them or Karen and Susan.

My informants also found various comments frustrating that probably were not intended to be negative. They found it irritating when people are simply uneducated, ask stupid questions or make unintelligent comments. Examples include the following, “Who wears the pants in the relationship,” “which one of you is the dude,” “who pays for things,” and “but you don’t look gay.” They view this as a negative reaction because the relationship is being scrutinized without any effort by the other person to become informed in a meaningful way about same-sex couples. This is what Karen termed as being treated like “novelty item.” Novelty, in this instance, does not refer to a positive characteristic. These types of questions reveal to them that the person views their sexuality and relationship as an anomaly. For Karen and Susan, it proves that they fail to acknowledge that all relationships do not have to be like male-female ones. Gender rules or roles do not apply to their relationship because the dynamic is obviously different, hence the definition of gay. Karen and Susan do not understand why this struggle over understanding gender roles exists. For Susan, “That’s what gay means. We don’t want a guy.” Although a witty comment by Susan, these questions add unique stressors to their relationship.

More subtle, yet possibly more powerful, are the negative reactions that are nonverbal. These are more frequent because many people, as Karen said, are “not ballsy enough to say you’re going to hell.” One of the nonverbal reactions people can have is staring. Susan described her experience with her ex-girlfriend (who she said looked like a “dude”) and how they went out in public and people would stare at them. Attacks that come from unacquainted people such as this instance are just as difficult to deal with. Karen did say, however, she would “take new-fangled Christians over someone who says she is going to hell.” The terminology “new-fangled Christians” refers to people like who call homosexuality a sin but who still love the sinner. In short, it means that some of their friends choose to ignore their sexual orientation as a way to remain friends with them, but they find a gay identity to be wrong, either morally and/or physically. Ignoring a personal fact about someone, though, also affects Karen and Susan negatively. Although it is not spoken, the message comes in loud and clear.

The grief of family members, especially parents, was experienced by my informants, as the most powerful negative reaction. Susan’s mom in particular had to grieve for the loss of Susan’s future with a man and everything she had envisioned for Susan during the first twenty years of her life. Her mom thought she knew exactly how Susan’s life plan was supposed to unfold, but Susan’s life is obviously different with a gay identity. It is a process that both Karen and Susan mentioned that their parents had to go through. Susan’s story best captures the profound grief experienced by some mothers:

I think Mom took it the worst because…I think to her like her dreams were being shattered for me not ever going to marry a guy and have a family with a man and all that stuff, and so I think she was a little upset and when she gets upset, it seems like she’s mad but she was kind of yelling and Dad was just really calm and was like, “Dawn, there’s nothing we can do about it.” So that was kind of comforting and then I had enough of that conversation and was like, “Guys, I’m leaving.

And her parents let her leave and did not speak to her the rest of the day. During one of the scariest and most vulnerable moments of her life, Susan’s parents let her leave because they needed to fully grasp the situation for themselves. Not only did Susan and Karen experience strong emotions when they were coming out to themselves, but their parents also grieved for the loss of the lives they thought their daughters would live.

Although Karen and Susan described many negative reactions, they also noted some of the positive reactions they have received. The most easily identifiable response is one of affirmation, whether it is verbal acceptance or a physical affirmation such as a hug. Susan told me a story about a time they went out to eat and they were walking out of the restaurant holding hands.

So I was being romantic one night and was like hey Karen lets go to Capital City out of the blue…[I] took her to Spaghetti Works and had a nice, lovely dinner. Funny story about the check the waitress came and was like are you together orrrr and made some kinda sexual hand sign…Anyway. As we were walking out, I grabbed her hand and when we got to the parking lot a guy rolled down his window and yelled, “Good for you!”

For Karen, this instance: “Restores my faith in humanity.” However, a positive affirmation does not have to be as extreme as this example. It can be any kind of small acceptance from anyone.

Other positives that are similar to affirmation are encouragement and respect. These are distinguished from affirmation because they are about embracing their identity, not merely acknowledging it. This is best exemplified in one of Karen’s experiences. Last Valentine’s Day, she was at the store and had picked up flowers for Susan and was waiting in line to pay. An elderly lady turned around, smiled, and said, “She’s going to love them.” Not only was the lady saying that she accepted Karen and who she was in terms of her sexual identity, but also that she needs to be proud of it. She saw it as a viable lifestyle, not something that was different that should be tolerated. That is why encouragement and respect are different from affirmation. Karen and Susan see this respect as coming from them being honest about themselves. Some people value what they are doing—value that they are being truthful with others and not hiding any part of their life. People respect those who are not ashamed of who they are.

Another positive outcome to coming out is that they could develop more intense social bonds with others. An entire “gayness” culture exists that Karen and Susan would not have the opportunity to experience if they had remained inside the closet. As soon as one claims an open gay identity, one can find other similar students who face similar struggles and who can then support each other. Having a gay identity means that you are part of a gay community that supports you. Another positive is that gay people are sometimes able to bond more easily with the opposite sex because there are no expectations of heterosexual sexual attraction. Karen illustrates this with the relationship she now has with her brother, now that they can “scope out the chicks together.”

While some reactions can be negative or positive, there are those that can also be indifferent. These are harder to identify and evaluate with concrete examples, but Karen and Susan agreed that they have experienced this. There are those who find no importance in their sexual identity. It is not going to change any aspect of their relationship with the gay person, so it is not mentioned. There is neither promotion nor condemnation of it, but rather a type of neutrality that I have termed conditional acceptance. I will use Karen’s aunt and uncle to illustrate. They are religious and would consider homosexuality a sin. However, they find value in the larger teachings of the Bible, such as love and acceptance that, by default, trump the homosexuality issue. Therefore, they remain indifferent because they love and accept Karen, but do not affirm or encourage her in her identity.

Religion is a prominent topic of discussion between my two informants. One of the main reasons why Christianity presents a challenge for gay identity is because of the passages in the Bible that discuss and depict homosexuality unfavorably. Many times, this is what hinders people’s acceptance of a person’s gay sexuality. In fact, my informants see a person’s religious beliefs as the most significant factor in determining how others will judge them. Susan sometimes saw people’s religious background as having such a strong effect on them that she admitted she might have at times imagined them judging her:

I think half the time I’m just convinced, like, imagining that people are judging me just because I know that judgment comes along with it [Christianity]. So I’m going to assume that everybody is judging me. And I don’t really handle judgment very well. I’m not going to say anything about it or act like I care. I don’t know, I think, me on the inside, it hurts just to know that people don’t understand it.

A general consensus on the topic of homosexuality and religion is that Christianity does not tolerate it. Challenges arise when places, Regional College in particular, are Christian affiliated. Students cannot ignore this aspect when choosing a school, so a large proportion of the student population will most likely embody those sentiments. Karen and Susan are both highly aware of this and what it means for their sexual identity. Since this may play a role in how other students view them, it represents a problem. They must be wary of all places and people who claim to be Christian affiliated because it could mean intolerance of their gay identity.

The last recurring theme in regards to challenges relates to family acceptance. One specific concern is the challenge of family functions and word choice. Karen says her family attempts to “save the youth and innocence of the children,” so her parents limit when and with whom Susan can be around. Both women also noted that their immediate families control when other extended family learns about their sexual orientation. For this reason, they have to keep it a secret from them. Susan, for example, has a cousin who attends the same college; because of this she has to be careful of how she acts when in public. She has to hide a major part of her life; Karen is simply her friend in those situations. The last challenge family members present are lack of acknowledgement. This challenge plays a role when Karen and Susan want their relationship to be seen as legitimate. They do not want to be ignored just because it does not fit into what their parents had envisioned for their daughters. Karen and Susan work harder to prove that their relationship is just as legitimate as a heterosexual relationship, other than the gender of their significant other.

Taking Back Control: Positive Features of Gay Identity

While much of my research showcases the struggles Karen and Susan face as a result of their gay identity, the positive or favorable aspects of their culture should not be overlooked. This section will describe some of those. Not only does college act as a useful environment for gay people to discuss and handle struggles or issues that occur as a result of their sexual orientation, but it also offers a separate space away from their hometown where they had been previously limited. At college, Karen and Susan embrace their sexuality and experiment with various versions of that identity. They figure out who they are and how they want to approach the world after graduation.

Karen takes back control of ways that are used to discriminate against her. For example, she can “look really douchey and get away with it” (which actually may affirm the stereotypes they described to me). Nonetheless, she is able to wear her snapbacks and flannel shirts, and it is more appropriate than if she were straight. Surprisingly, new rules apply to her. Perhaps this is what perpetuates the stereotypes, but in this instance it is a form of empowerment for Karen. She is taking those preconceived notions and claiming them as her own. Another way in which they empower themselves is in the language they utilize when together or with their close friends who accept them. I have heard them use multiple terms that would be considered homophobic or offensive if someone else were directing those comments at them. These include “homo,” “gaywad,” “lesbo,” and “dyke.” For them, it is not derogatory, but rather playful and sarcastic. The utilization of these words prevents others from using them as a way of hurting them.

One dominant topic of conversation, when I hung out with Karen and Susan, stemmed from a preoccupation with finding out who else on campus was a lesbian. They used the term “stalking” to refer to this activity. I personally spent at least half an hour one time with Susan “stalking” a girl on various social media trying to find out if a freshman girl who lives in Susan’s dorm is gay. I was amazed at the determination Susan devoted to this. There have been multiple conversations about the pending sexuality of someone on campus with them. Most often, one of the main qualifications is whether the person up for debate is a “Jesus lover” or not. If they are a Jesus lover (consider homosexuality a sin based on the Bible), then they probably are not gay since religion plays such a significant role. Other factors that are important is how the person dressed and then whatever Karen or Susan could find on Facebook or Twitter in regards to pictures and biographical information.

Karen termed this pursuit as “aggressive.” She wants to find other lesbians and bring them into their gay community since there are not many gay people at Regional College. I will share a story the women told to me to demonstrate the lengths they will go discover the sexual orientation of a girl. One night they were walking by an underclassmen dorm and noticed a rainbow flag hanging on the wall in one of the rooms. They got excited and ran into the building in an attempt to find out which room it was. They eventually found the right one and used the names on the outside of the door to get on the student directory to narrow down whom it could be. From there, they used all the names they found on the directory to find those people on Facebook to see if they could find roommate pictures or any signs if the girls were a couple or if just one of them is gay. They eventually figured out whom both girls were and that only one of them was gay. Karen calls it a “sick thrill” to search for people who are lesbians. According to Susan, as a general rule in stalking, “Nothing is off limits. Go to all lengths you can.”

Above all, the driving motivation behind Karen and Susan’s stalking is not due to an obsessive want to find someone to date. Rather, it is to find people who are similar to them, who can share in their experiences and challenges. Susan describes it this way, “I feel like it’s more along the lines of the sense of community, like people to hang out with that are like me and understand it.” Not only do they view having a sense of community as a positive feature of their identity, but they also like to offer it to others (even if that is through systematic stalking). They live in a sub-culture where support is key, especially on a campus where diversity is limited.

An interesting paradox arises from their minor obsession with figuring out who is gay. Karen admits that they are “judging someone constantly but are in a culture that promotes no judgment.” Karen and Susan are essentially telling someone “you’re so gay but you don’t know it.” However, they do not mean to be hurtful or judgmental; in reality, it is about acceptance. They want other people in their life who accept them and can identify with their situation. More than that, they want to offer that too. Generally, it is not a serious matter or pastime. In actuality, it is a fun activity that allows them to discuss their sexuality through the use of other people’s sexual identity. Although no set of rules exist in regards to the manner in which to stalk a potential lesbian, Karen and Susan offered the following guide:

Stalking Protocol:

1. Get the vibe and/or see gayish behavior. Commence stalking.
2. Find out their name. Ask anyone who may have a link to the questionable person.
3. Social media stalking: Facebook stalk…if you’re lucky they’ll have their preferences listed as interested in women. If not, stalk further. Look for any gay signs at all. (I.e. snapbacks, flannels, questionable pictures with girls, kissing photos with girls…the last is a long shot)
4. Blatantly ask other people if they are gay. Word travels fast in the gay tree.
5. If at all possible, befriend that person in order to obtain an inside view.
6. FOR THE BOLD: Straight up ask them.

Obviously, from these steps Karen and Susan shared, stalking is a playful and harmless activity. All they wish to do is expand their community on campus and offer insight and help for any lesbian struggling with similar obstacles they have already experienced.

Conclusion

The main goal of my field project was to understand how the college experience is different for gay women. Most importantly, I described the role of the four years of college and what its significance is to a gay individual in the scheme of their life. In the end, the college experience for someone who is straight and someone who is gay is in some ways the same. As Karen shared, in college, “you’re in a bubble for four years before you get kicked in the ass to figure out who you are.” The college experience provides an arena for a young person to find his or herself before they are required to grow up and search for a career and establish themselves in life. The process for finding oneself, however, is different for my informants because straight and gay people attempt to figure out different things. For gay people like Karen and Susan, the “road’s still bumpy, the bumps are just different.” These four years of college are about pushing and testing boundaries in regards to their sexual orientation. They attempt to answer questions, such as one that Karen described: “How much hand holding can I get away with without it being an issue?” It is practice for real life.

Gay individuals need the college experience as a way to practice for future encounters with new people. College is a medium to get away from the hometown realm; it is a place that is separate from all things familiar—whether that is friends, family, or attitudes. It is a place where they experiment with different challenges and reactions. Young, gay individuals freely communicate their gay identity at college and have the opportunity to modify how they do that if they wish. It allows them to gain knowledge about what may occur in the future. Karen and Susan’s hometowns did not provide the setting necessary to be able to test these boundaries. Thus, college is a critical platform where gay people entertain certain actions, reactions, and challenges. They then play with them, and possibly modify them in order to be more successful in life’s future scenarios.